


nobody.

by ayobaby



Series: big brothers & little brothers [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: a gift to someone precious to me, emil.. no comment, lukas is doing his best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:41:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29186472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayobaby/pseuds/ayobaby
Summary: “Taking care of me will be a pain. You don’t want to do that.”Lukas pursed his lips.“Of course I do. Why else am I here?”
Relationships: Iceland & Norway (Hetalia)
Series: big brothers & little brothers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162187
Kudos: 12





	1. MY GOD, I'M SO LONELY. SO I OPEN THE WINDOW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm facing writing block this isn’t my usual standard so juno when you see this, just know your younger brother was suffering in february okay
> 
> mitski songs make me cry

How long has it been since he's properly confided in someone? Emil can’t remember. He could sit and wrack his brains all day long and still would not be able to reach a conclusive answer. Figures.

His memories were all jumbled. Emil couldn't even remember what day it was sometimes (though that was only on truly bad days). There are very few things that he can actually recall. He sees agitated violet eyes, hears a voice screaming “lillebror” (norwegian for ‘little brother’ - a google search once told him) repeatedly and feels phantom hands holding him tight. Not in a suffocating manner. They kept him safe.

He has been alone for as long as he can remember though. His parents were never around and his siblings bothered him sparingly. Emil's never felt secure. He is flighty (many girlfriends and boyfriends of some distant past have told him this and on his good days, Leon will hold his hand and whisper it lovingly), avoidant (Emil loves to run) and cold. His hands are always frozen and his facial expressions resemble the Arctic. 

Leon once jokingly told him that he feels Emil is the epitome of ice itself. He laughed even though it wasn’t all that hilarious. He just knew he'd do anything to see Leon's warm brown eyes crinkle.

He loves Leon. He thinks he loved the person with the violet eyes too, in a different way. 

It’s just a regular day for Emil Steilsson. Until it isn’t.

In his defence, he thought the day was going just fine. Leon visited him in the morning and held his hands tight like how he always does. Emil even managed to make him laugh again. He doesn’t mind being considered ice if he can somehow contribute to Leon's warmth. 

Then the nice nurse - “call me Tino!” - came to check on him, his vitals and his head (concussions weren’t to be taken lightly). They tried writing together again and this time he managed to write his name coherently. It counts as immense progress. Nurse Tino said so.

Doctor Kohler came to check on him a few hours after lunch. The usually bright and smiling man seemed a little sombre so Emil held his hand. When questioned, he just told the truth. “I feel better when Leon holds my hands. Maybe you will feel a little better too.”

He received a soft smile for that.

Emil decided he wanted to see the sunset. The kind Belgian nurse who took over Tino's shift apologetically told him he could not leave his hospital room just yet. To make up for it, she positioned him by the window in a chair. “It’s not much but you'll be able to see some of it!” She winked, like they were sharing a big secret. Emil humoured her by winking back and thanked her profusely.

He was just patiently waiting for the sun to set when everything went wrong. Muffled, raised voices were pounding against his closed hospital window. There was nothing wrong with opening the window but he'd never personally done it. Emil decided it was best to not interfere and kept the window stubbornly closed.

His resolve slowly diminished as the voices grew louder and familiar. Was that Doctor Kohler? Emil didn’t know he was capable of yelling. 

“Fuck it,” He deadpanned. The latch fought him for a tense thirty seconds before the window finally opened and a gust of cool winter air stung him. “Fuck!” Emil swore loudly. The voices immediately stopped. He could hear rapid footsteps from outside. His room was situated on the second floor so he wasn’t entirely anxious about confrontation but the prospect was daunting. 

Emil decided to brave it and look down. Violet eyes bore into him. His shock almost sent him tumbling out of his chair. He could vaguely register Doctor Kohler appearing behind the mystery man. 

“Lillebror!” The man yelled. Emil felt salt sting his tongue. These were tears, right? Leon told him all about the tears he'd shed when he'd heard that Emil had survived the horrible incident. 

Did this man survive too? How did he know him? 

He was so caught up in his musings that he did not notice the man disappearing from view. Doctor Kohler immediately gave chase, screaming about “not being ready” and “exercise caution please” but that was all background noise. 

Warm hands clasped his shoulders. The man with the violet eyes was crying. Emil was crying too. Doctor Kohler was crying. Why are they all crying? He's so confused. Why is everyone so upset?

He's mistaken. The violet eyes aren’t agitated. They are relieved. 

“Lillebror.” The man whispers.

“Don't call me that, Lukas,” Emil snaps like it’s muscle memory. 

Violet eyes widen. Phantom hands grip him tight. Lukas is very much real. He wasn’t a figment of Emil's imagination. He's right here with him. 

For the first time in his life, Emil feels secure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He thinks he can hear Doctor Kohler wailing loudly in the background but Emil is too tired to care. All he can think about is his older brother Lukas. 
> 
> It seems that his brother feels the same way. 
> 
> He's joined Leon on his morning visits, he brings Emil lunch and smiles faintly at Tino's jokes, he rebukes Doctor Kohler for existing, he stays for as long as he can until it's time for him to leave. He returns the next day diligently. 
> 
> Emil tells Lukas he's excited to leave and go home with him. 
> 
> Violet eyes shine with unshed tears.


	2. TO HEAR SOUNDS OF PEOPLE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for telling the world abt ur albedo obsession, juno  
> hey, maybe when u receive this in july, it will have lessened a bit? u owe me £1 if he's no longer ur #2 shawty when u read this
> 
> my tenses are horrible. everyone please pretend i'm not going through a writing crisis
> 
> also! stóri bróðir = big brother (icelandic)

He's avoiding them all again. They notice too. Emil tries hard to ignore how Tino's smile fades, how Matthias' laughter sounds a fraction more forced, how Berwald's eyes shine uncharacteristically.

He loves his family but sometimes he needs to be alone. Nobody is an exception to this. Not even Mr Puffin. He gets tired. Being Iceland is difficult even with the lovely support system that he rejects so often. It's not a choice to be a personification of a country either and therefore he must endeavour lest his people collapse.

Emil thinks he is strange though. Yes, he is quite clearly running away but he doesn’t want them to leave. He wants to retreat behind closed doors and lock himself away forever. He also wants to press his ear against the door and pretend that he isn’t smiling at Peter's muffled yells or Matthias' muted shrieks. Everything seems so much better when he's not around. He wants to hear them in their natural, happy state. Emil doesn’t want to subject them to his eternal moodiness.

Something he learned a long time ago is that he is never truly alone. It first shocked him when Matthias held him tight and took care of him. They'd go outside everyday and he learnt many life skills from the former viking. He assumed that it was just a strange Danish custom until Tino and Berwald started insisting that he come over often and snack on their liquorice.

Emil's always felt a bit disconnected from the rest of Europe, the world even. He is isolated. Iceland is cold and pretty — a great tourist destination but a bitter place to live in for the rest of your days.

To see these people reaching out to him again and again even though all he does is run — it warms Emil. He feels important and wanted. The underlying fear that sometimes he's ruining everything with his existence, that he is bringing his permanent freezing chill with him like a plague, is too great however. On days like these, he's content to listen to his family interact from afar.

He's never truly alone.

Lukas offers him an earbud, his blank expression not betraying a single thing. His older brother acts like it is a regular day because he knows that’s what Emil wants and needs right now. He acts like they aren’t holed up in the tiny storage room situated right next to the main living room area and Emil is so grateful for that.

He takes the earbud.

“Daft Punk? Really?”

Lukas studies the ceiling for a few seconds before shrugging. “What Francis doesn’t know won't hurt him,” He replies, a faint smirk forming on his face. Emil lets himself snort at that quip.

“Yeah. You're right.” He agrees.

An unspoken ‘I am always right’ floats in the air. He knows his older brother very well.

Emil treasures his family. Above all else, he treasures Lukas. He withdraws from events and casual meetings so the others can relax and don't have to feel the insurmountable pressure of Emil's rapid mood swings. He hides away with his favourite person in the universe to hear the sounds of people - his found family, his citizens, his friends.

Lukas motions for him to sit. He pulls a bitter scowl onto his face just for show - he's not fooling anybody - and finds himself sinking into his brother's side. Once he's certain that his younger brother is comfortable, Lukas begins to talk.

“There's a Chinese game called Genshin Impact... since you're dating Leon, Yao let me try it before its release date and...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “LILLEBROR!” Matthias wailed. Emil barely withheld a groan at the sudden intrusion. “What is it?” He snapped, not in the mood to entertain his hyperactive, self proclaimed elder brother. 
> 
> The man blinked away his tears in favour of dolefully staring at Emil. He rolled his eyes. “What do you need?” He repeated, in a politer tone. 
> 
> “Lukas won't stop talking about Albedo.”
> 
> “Who is Albedo?”
> 
> “His new boyfriend!”
> 
> Emil scowled. Surely his brother wasn’t dating again . . . was he? He'd know if Lukas had a potential boyfriend, right? His older brother would let him know at some point. Hold on. The name Albedo sounded familiar. 
> 
> “The guy from Genshin Impact?”
> 
> The complete and utter confusion on Matthias' face was almost priceless. “Gnashing impact? He just told me that he has a boyfriend called Albedo so I have to tell Natayla to fuck off on his behalf but she's scary—“
> 
> “Don't care. Go put your big bad viking boots on and tell her that stóri bróðir isn’t interested.” Emil replied absentmindedly, eager to return to his mindless phone scrolling. Stupid Dane. 
> 
> The smile in Matthias' voice was hard to ignore. “Aw, so you do really love Lukas, huh? I bet you feel the same about me,” He teased. Emil scowled. 
> 
> “Go away!”


End file.
